Chemo...

it either kills you or cures you. That really isn't too bad except you cannot predict which of the two the end result is gonna be until the end when the harm has been done. I'm not sure if it's the type of chemo chosen by the docs that doesn't match with the patient or if it's the patient body system that reacts to the chemo or maybe it a combination factor. I don't know.
I heard on thursday that a patient, really young, closer to my age passed on and the first thing i thought to myself is that the chemo killed him. I only said that because i saw him when he came and he was fine. Part of me wondered if he'd have lived longer if he hadn't gotten the chemo and 99% of me believes he would have lived a lot longer than the lifespan of my co-op.
Today, i've had to say something about a different patient and twice, i have been told and reminded by two different nurses that "Gifty, he's dying." I think i heard it being said last week but i really didn't accept it and the first time i was told today it was just a reminder. But the second time, it reminded me of how i'd not accepted the fact that the person was dying.
This person only started chemo in may. So his was also short. I just remembered the first day he came in, he was a kid, excited, full of energy, i mean he looked perfectly healthy. Over the next few months, i've watched the chemo sucked the life out of him through all the mucositis, neutropenic fevers, weakness, infections and everything else. I smiled when i remembered how he did not know a single word of english on admission and how i had to use google to translate words to how i saw him one day with a book that would help him learn english and enable him communicate with us. It brings joy to my heart when i remember pointing to a brush in the broom and having to describe there's a hairbrush and a toothbrush or having to describe a towel or anything else.
I think it's pretty sad considering a teenager whose mom is out of the country and only has brothers here. I thought of what it would be to lose a younger brother or what it would be for the mom who looses his son. I really can't say "i know how it feels" because i don't know how it feels because i've not experienced it and even if i did, it'll never feel the same way as they experience this. My heart and prayers and go to his family.