the year so far

So i haven't journaled since the year began. My life is as complicated as ever. I did go to new york last year just before the year ended. I did learn a lot last year and there's a lot more to learn.
It's been a one-of-a-kind journey trying to get my VSC. Between driving to philly to get transcripts from drexel, calling swesco in ghana, sending requests to neosho, going to the mbon, and the occasional discouragement and crying, it's been something i'll remember. I've prayed and prayed and last week i almost blamed A.B.A as being responsible for the delay though when i ruminated over the whole thing, it was the result of me and my procrastination.
Here's what i'm wondering, this whole 360 degree change came about when A.b.a said she'll be praying and we'll see results by the end of last week. Question i'm asking myself is, did my prayers and my cry matter? was ABA's prayer the only one that was heard? One thing i learned last year is that we don't have to be perfect for God to hear us. What was the difference between her prayers and mine.

I got notice that the VSC had been mailed and while i'm excited and thank God for that. I don't think i'm as excited as i thought i'd be. Maybe it's because i was confronted again with a complaint by a pt who claimed i didn't step into the room all night and that she wasn't given a bedpan when she wanted to go. at the time of that confrontation, i forgot the lady had a foley until i got home and thought about it. Question is, i've realized i'm happier when i don't have ortho patients. Not pushing pain meds is such a relief. I never thought i'd like working with pt's with diseases involving the liver and pancreas and i always said GI is never my thing but i've realized i like those hepatic abscess, pancreatic "blank" among other hepato/chole diagnosis. Today when my manager was talking to me, it sounds like she was threatening me with a disciplinary action and threatening to put me back to dayshift. Yeah, if she hadn't found out from esty about what was going on, she woulda treated me differently. Now she seems to think my life is tied to the hospital. We, I don't think so. So yeah, i've been asking can i endure the craziness on the floor, the lies and while i could take the attitude of caring less, i'm sick of those "talks". I keep telling myself i must endure. I think 12 is crazy, you've got patients you cannot please, its unlike any floors i've seen at HUP or Jeff. And to have a manager who says "the pt is always right" is ludicrous!
For now, i'll hold on and see where God takes me.