When another life cries out to you.

I picked up a patient at 11 last night. just did vitals, vanished then resurfaced at 3am to do the vitals again. I was gonna wait till 3:30 to start the vitals but maybe it's good i started at 3. As i went into the room to do what i had to do, i figured t'was important to cover the guy up cuz he was quite exposed. Well, that sorta woke him up and he started mumbling some stuff about trade and manufactuing and goods and fair trade and broker companies and china and what not.
I thought this was the rumblings of a person who is probably AAO x3 so i really wasn't paying attention but i kept nodding and gave a concerned look like you are taught to do in school. Thing is i'd just spent an hour eating post midnight lunch while talking to the missy on S9 all the time while i ate so after standing and listening to this guy for 5minutes, i sorta felt like i was either gonna throw up or pass out. I kept feeling like i needed someone to come bail me out of the room and so i tried to tell the patient to go back to sleep.
Well, he goes i just want you to listen to what i have to say and then i'll tell you why i wanted you to listen to it. So he started talking bout fair trade but he lost me somewhere between that till he started saying something about how cancer is a double war because not only does the patient have to battle with cancer, they also have to battle with chemotherapy. Then he broke down and started talking bout how he's been good all his life but then he goes on to cry "i'm not sure if i was sincere" The tear that flowed from his eyes brought tears into mine. But i tried to hold back because i don't think it's right to cry in front of a patient
That was when i realized that the nausea i was feeling earlier had dissappeared and instead, my heart was going out to this desperate patient who lay before me, crying and puring out his heart to me. He talked about his sons, he has a little 8 year old and he prayed God takes care of him. He talked of his wife, he mentioned how his whole family is in turmoil about his diagonosis with cancer. Well, i'm not a gambler but i'll bet they are.
There was one thing he said that really made me admire him. He said something along the lines of "Christ bring us the "fill in the blank with whatever word that translates into calamity" to show us the courage we have to overcome. And in all this, i have never at one point said "why me" or why not him or why not the one there. Instead, i thank God it is not my brother, it is me" I know i would personally ask the why me question, God forgive me but i'm just being honest.
Tears came to my eyes and trickled down my face. The emotion in this man's voice was so great and honest and before me i saw someone hit by calamity and crying desperately for help, soemhow denying it, and trying to think over his life, trying to do something good while he was still leaving.
he wanted me to leave my number, he wanted to help me whether with education or whatever. But here's what i thought: i'm not gonna take advantage of a dying man, well, i'm not pronouncing his death but some type of cancers have poor prognosis. I also thought i wasn't sure if he was in his right mind. He really did say a lot of things i cannot write down. I think he was in his right mind as in he's not nutz but i will judge him incompetent based on situation. At least that is not what i thought when i was in the room but now that i'm out and have had time to sit and ruminate about it, part of me wonders if he was offering to help as a bargain with God. Let's face it, people make rush vows to God in the face of what they think it's their end. Martin luther got caught in the storm and next thing we know, he made a rash vow and had to become a monk.
Honestly, i'm not sure what i think about it anymore but here's what i did, the guy reached out his hands to me, and i reached mine out to him and he prayed, for his family, and for mine as well as my friends. I said Amen and he got all hyped cuz he's done with his chemotherapy. I've seen sad things working in oncology and i've never really had anything bring tears to my eyes.
My hear really do go out to this gentleman, i know he's depressed and it's very sad to see desperation, anguish and sadness in a person eyes and look on helplessly. Another life cries out to you and there so little you can do except for being there for them and reassuring them.
All i could say when i came out was CANCER REALLY SUCKS!!!